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Q&A


Lately, it seems like all of my friends are going through drama. Sometimes they try to get me pulled into the middle of it or make me choose sides. I love my friends, but I’m getting really sick of all of this drama! – Fed Up

A: Dear Fed Up,

Unfortunately, it does seem like girls tend to get involved in friend drama pretty regularly. Whether you're in the middle of it, or simply watching from the sidelines, drama can be pretty irritating. No matter where you live or what school you go to, you probably don't have to look very hard to find two girls who used to be BFFs and now hate each other's guts, two girls fighting over one boy, or a group of popular girls who everyone wants to be friends with even though they're mean to everyone.

The best way to deal with girl drama is usually to avoid it altogether. That can be pretty tough (if not impossible), so here are a few tricks to help you stay out of the middle of the mean girl drama.

  • Be nice to everyone. The old kindergarten rule of thumb still applies. "In order to have friends, you have to be a friend." Be nice to everyone all the time. It's a tall order, but definitely worth the effort. If you're nice to everyone, no one will have a legitimate reason to be mean to you. Not only will you have more friends who will stick up for you and more people to turn to if the drama heats up, but you'll also be building a great witness to those around you. Follow Jesus' lead and show kindness to everyone you meet.
  • Choose wisely. If you find that your friends are usually talking about other girls behind their backs, odds are it won't be long before you're the target of their talk. Make friends with girls who don't talk behind the backs of other girls. Your friends reflect on who you are and they will have a huge impact on the choices you make and the person you become. Choose friends who are people you'd like to be like. Remember that good character traits like kindness and compassion last much longer than cute clothes and popularity.
  • If you can't say anything nice... Have you ever noticed that the girls who talk about other girls the most are the ones who eventually end up getting talked about the most? If your friends start talking about a girl behind her back, don't join in. As tempting as it can be to start cutting down someone else, remember that it doesn't really make you look like a good friend. Try to change the subject, and if that doesn't work, walk away.
  • We're all in the same boat. Those feelings of insecurity that you have every once in a while are universal. We're all in the same boat. Even girls who seem like they have tons of friends and perfect hair feel lonely sometimes. When you're having a bad day and wish someone would say something nice to you, you're certainly not alone. The best way to get over a bad day in a hurry is to say something nice to someone else. Compliment her shoes or how smart she is. You'll probably make her day and it will make you feel better, too.
  • Keep things in perspective. Remember that after you graduate, you've probably got another 60 to 70 years of life to live. Even though it can feel like an eternity, high school is a four-year blip on the radar of the rest of your life. When you drop your lunch tray full of food, remember that no one will probably remember it tomorrow (let alone a year from now). People will remember you for how you treated everyone else. The way to make these years count is to make an impact for Christ.

Have questions???

We have answers. tgm@ag.org.