Q&A
Q: I love to sing. I always have. I have even taken voice lessons since I was 10. The problem begins when I have to sing in front of others. I recently got up the nerve to try out for Honors Choir at school and I made it! But now I am preparing for a solo, and I’m frightened to death. I start sweating, and my heart starts beating very fast when I even think about it. Does this feeling go away? – Closet Songbird
A: Dear Closet Songbird,
First, congratulations on making it into Honors Choir! Second, standing in front of others and performing doesn’t come naturally to most people. I have yet to hear from singers, speakers, politicians, and celebrities that they don’t get nervous before going in front of a crowd even if they are in front of others on a regular basis. However, it can become easier the more you are in front of others.
It does not necessarily become easier because you become less nervous, but because you can learn exercises to help you manage nervousness. Keep in mind these simple steps before and during the event. BEFORE 1) practice and rehearse. Know your words and music so well that if you get nervous you can slip into autopilot. 2) Visualize yourself going through the performance. This includes walking onto the stage, singing your solo, and then leaving the stage. Visualize each step so that you can be prepared and know what to expect. DURING 1) Breathe. It sounds like simple advice, but when you are nervous, your breathing becomes quick and shallow. If you focus and remember to breathe deeply, your body will calm down. 2) Focus on something other than the audience. Audience members are unaware of their facial expressions when watching a performance. If you look to them to see how you are performing you will find blank expressions and become nervous. Find a point on the wall or somewhere else away from faces. If you are being judged, remember why you are performing. Keep your mind on the music and the fact that you love to sing. Pray about your performance, and remember to perform for God rather than to receive praise from others.
Q: My family is having troubles, which is really hard for me to deal with. Every day I go up to my room and shut out the world. I feel like I am also shutting out God. How should I deal with this? - Shutout
A: Dear Shutout,
Family problems can be hard on a girl, especially when trying to deal with pressures from school and friends. You are not alone, many families experience hard times because of financial troubles, marriage problems (parents fighting), and just learning to get along under the same roof.
It is easy to try to get away from the problems by shutting the door to your room. The problem with that is you can feel like a prisoner in your own home, banished to your room, and where is the freedom in that? But don’t let that get you down, many girls find refuge in their rooms, because they have trouble dealing with parents, siblings, and just feeling alone and misunderstood. Rest in the fact that no one is born knowing how to deal with her problems. It’s something we learn as we go.
Here are a few things I have learned. Try not to assume that no one understands. This attitude can shut the door to people who might be able to help. Rather than shutting God out, talk to Him. If you are mad at Him, and don’t feel like talking to Him, tell Him that you are mad and why. He can handle it. Read your Bible, and have faith that God’s Word can apply to what you are dealing with. Have at least one good friend you can talk with and share with. If it seems like your parents are oblivious to the fact that you are dealing with something, you might be right. Parents are often busy, and while they should be able to sense things, sometimes they don’t know if you are not talking. The only way to help others understand you is to talk to them. If you feel like you don’t have the words to describe what you are feeling, then be honest and calmly sit down with them and tell them what you are feeling. Try not to accuse, but share what bothers you or hurts you. Use this statement, “when (this) happens, I feel (this).” One thing that saved me in my most emotional moments growing up was having a journal to write in. It may take time, but pray knowing God wants to help you, and let Him work in your family while you trust Him.
Q: Some of my friends already know what they want to study in college and where they want to attend college. I have no clue. Should I know this stuff? – Complete Slacker
A: Dear Complete Slacker,
I think you might find that many other girls would fit into the “complete slacker” club, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Take some pressure off of yourself and have fun with thinking about these options. All decisions made in high school regarding future plans are subject to change. After you graduate high school you shouldn’t be expected to know what you want to do in life. You haven’t really seen enough of each profession to know what it would be like to work day in and day out for the rest of your life in a field of study. Even after completing college many people do not enter jobs related to their degree.
If you are interested in planning for the future now here’s some advice: ask your parents about it, and work with your guidance counselor at school. Check out some college Web sites (first get permission). The first place to look at colleges is locally. Attending college is expensive; curb some of those costs by considering a technical college in the area to complete general education courses like math, composition, etc., and to avoid out of state fees that incur when attending college in a different state. Consider a general field of study such as business just in case you decide to change your mind down the road about what you want to do. Talk to God about it. Ask Him to direct your steps. Understand that He gives you talents and interests in wherever He intends to lead you.
While you are in high school and college, check out opportunities to help you investigate a job you find interest in. Your guidance counselor should be able to set you up with job shadowing opportunities. My senior year I job shadowed at two local news stations. After those experiences I realized that news anchors, reporters, and editors must be on call round the clock to report the news, and the broadcast field has a high divorce rate. So I decided to stick with writing by pursuing journalism. What I actually graduated with was psychology. However, I still use my love of writing in my job. The point is that at your age you could never know what the future holds for you. Talk to God, learn what your strengths, talents, and desires are, and look into fields of study which are general and can be applied across a wide variety of jobs. And enjoy your time in high school.
Q: I have a problem with binging on food. I am constantly snacking. Food goes to my hips, and I get so down about it. – Binge Eater
A: Dear Binge Eater,
Eating and snacking are easy to do, and there are few opportunities to exercise. Have you ever heard of the term “comfort food”? It’s called comfort food because when you eat it, it comforts you. Many people who eat when they are bored or feeling down find that eating soothes and distracts them from things they are feeling or thinking about that they do not like. This is called emotional eating. If you are an emotional eater you might be using food to avoid dealing with the way you feel. To change an unhealthy behavior you have to replace it with a different healthy behavior.
To avoid emotional eating be aware of what you are thinking while you are eating. Ask yourself “how do I feel right now?” Keep a journal of times you snacked throughout the day, what you ate, and how you felt before, during, and after eating. Journal about things you are thinking and feeling. This is a healthier way to handle emotions that arise. Create a plan for what to do when you feel like binging, such as going for a walk. You might not like this idea, but include your family. You will need the accountability and support. Let your parent(s) know you are frustrated with your eating habits. Let them know your plan. Maybe you can get a family member to exercise or eat healthy with you. Ask your parents to think of you when grocery shopping. The more unhealthy snacks they buy, the more difficult it will be for you to work on your eating habits. Be realistic. You probably won’t have overnight changes, but work in steps and realistic goals, such as “I will walk around the block one night per week,” or “I will write in my journal each time I start to snack.”
Other tips: keep a water bottle with you at all times. Water will fill you up so you won’t crave food. Control your portions. Make a fist and use this as a guide to control portion sizes. Eat throughout the day instead of loading up on lots of food a few times a day. Keep healthy snacks around the house. Some examples: raisins, granola bars, fruits like apples and bananas, healthy cereals (the healthiest cereals are kept on the higher shelves in the cereal aisle), yogurt, etc.
Q: I get so down about all of the stuff happening around the world. Sometimes I wish I could do more to help. – Feeling Helpless
A: Dear Feeling Helpless,
I completely understand this feeling. Sometimes I wish that I could take a magic wand and wipe away all of the world’s tears, fears, and hunger, including my own. Christ gives us compassion for others so that we can pray and help. Understand the role of suffering. It’s interesting that when we think about how God feels about our hurt, we know that He feels it more than we do. If we look at His answer to our hurt we find that He didn’t wipe away our frustrations, instead He sent His Son to identify with them and experience His own trials here on Earth while walking amongst us. He bore our sins so we would not have to walk in condemnation; however, He did not prevent us from hurting and suffering. I think this says something about how we should deal with suffering. Instead of wishing it away because it makes us feel uncomfortable we should embrace it. Through suffering we need Him; otherwise, we might not ever call upon Him.
Keep perspective. Don’t get depressed. To avoid this you might not want to continually watch the news because the stories and the way they are presented on television can be very depressing and hopeless. Remind yourself that Christ has come to the world to provide hope. Be proactive. Don’t take on the perspectives of this world by thinking everyone is hopeless. Realize that Christ provides hope to those in our world who suffer. He wants to use you to be His hands and feet, but He will direct you to specific areas and opportunities in which you may be effective. You are only one person. Christ has put you in a place of influence where you are. If He puts a call on your heart for missions then He will open the doors when you pursue that call. However, right now He can use you in huge ways to help your family, friends, school, and community. Just think of how the world would be different if everyone committed to making their friends and family their mission.
Never underestimate the power of prayer. Prayer sets actions in motion. Think of it as a powerful force. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:12 “for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (NIV) To combat evils of this world, fight supernaturally by talking to God on behalf of others.
Have questions??? We have answers. tgm@ag.org.